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The Test of Trying Times - Being Kind to Yourself When
Circumstance Is Not
By Rob
Brookler
We've all arrived at
those moments when we feel overwhelmed by trying circumstances within
our life. We've done all we can, bearing up without great success or
relief. And in our frustration and fatigue, we've probably looked up to
heaven and asked: "How can you possibly ask more of me?"
If we could hear clearly through our distress, we'd probably hear heaven
lovingly reply: "'We' are not."
And this is a most compassionate and instructive answer, for our lessons
are never "sent" to punish or defeat us. So when we find ourselves truly
anguished by our challenges, we can be sure that it is "we" that need to
be reminded we've done enough.
While our circumstances and life-lessons will certainly make demands on
us, it is the "added" weight of our own self-judgment -- our impatience
with ourselves and our life, our "sense" of failure or injustice, our
fear -- that actually depletes our strength and overwhelms us.
Heaven knows that we learn, grow, and heal best when we're balanced and
light. This balance and lightness, however, is largely our
responsibility. And while there is great "higher" support for us during
our times of personal challenge, not even heaven can remove a strain
"we" are actively imposing on ourselves.
So when we feel pushed to the breaking point, it is we who must ease up
on the pushing.
WHEN THE ROAD IS
ROUGH, BALANCE 'IS' THE TEST
Now, heaven also appreciates that facing trying times -- uncertainty,
loss, wounded feelings -- is disturbing and potentially "unbalancing"
for us. But as we grow more powerful, more of the responsibility for
maintaining our balance, despite our fear and distress, is given to us
-- is "entrusted" to us.
It's a bit like removing the "training wheels" so we may venture out
farther and have more freedom of movement. But when we encounter a bumpy
road -- when life challenges us -- we must have the discipline and the
wisdom to attend first and foremost to our personal balance.
We're not expected to move rapidly or gracefully on this challenging
stretch of road. And no one expects us to relish this part of the ride.
But we are expected to pace ourselves, monitor our strength, and respect
our needs and our limits. And it is the mark of wisdom, not weakness, to
stop regularly, get off the bike, and say: "I've done enough climbing
for one day. Think I'll rest by the road or walk for a bit."
THE 'LESSON'
UNDERLYING EVERY LESSON
Likewise, because it's an uphill climb, we simply can't afford to carry
the extra weight of self-judgment and blame. Indeed, it's at these
challenging times that we must be particularly patient and compassionate
with ourselves. We must take deliberate measures to ensure we give
ourselves rest, acknowledgement, and other activities that
"counterbalance" the strain and pressures these times impose.
When we fail to do this -- when we "push" ourselves to exhaustion and
"judge" ourselves into despair -- passages that are meant merely to move
us forward become punishing and oppressive, even damaging. So, as much
as we would wish heaven to simply "lift" us out of our desperate state,
this would actually be a disservice to us.
Why? Because learning to honor ourselves, our needs, and our balance
even when we're challenged is a fundamental component of all our lessons
and life-passages. It's an incredibly powerful and liberating
understanding. And in a time of accelerated growth and change, it's a
skill we cannot afford to miss.
IT'S THE CHOICE WE
MAKE IN EVERY MOMENT
In fact, this understanding goes to the heart of who we are. Because how
we treat ourselves is our choice and a statement about our worthiness,
it's not a power we want to defer or surrender to anyone. And it's a
power we can and must exercise on our behalf … in good times and
especially in not-so-good times.
Why is this "choice" so critical? Because it's the choice we make at
every moment and the only thing we can ultimately control. In other
words, as powerful and wise as we may be, we cannot, for the most part,
choose our lessons. We cannot choose "not" to have loss or change or
past wounding. These are simply realities of life and, like it or not,
part of how we learn and progress. Moreover, we cannot even choose not
to feel an amount of fear, anger, or sorrow associated with our losses
and wounding.
But we "always" have the choice about how we treat ourselves when we
encounter these challenges. And this choice means the difference between
a merely demanding and a truly painful passage. If we are "unrelenting"
with ourselves when circumstances seem unrelenting, we are doubling our
burden. On the other hand, if we are patient and supportive towards
ourselves when our life seems not to be, we are balancing our burden.
'PRACTICING'
SELF-CARE
Now, treating ourselves well when the world isn't is no small feat. Nor
is it easy to be patient with our lessons and processes when we're
experiencing pain or fear. So we must be practical. We must make it a
conscious "practice" -- a regular, daily discipline -- to care for
ourselves and acknowledge ourselves in equal measure to our challenges.
So, for example, if we've spent a difficult day job hunting or building
a new business, we must follow this with an activity that gives us joy
or rest. And we give ourselves this reward regardless of whether our
day's efforts proved immediately rewarding. Indeed, we must be all the
more considerate toward ourselves when the world has not been.
This practice applies equally to our "internal" growth and healing.
Confronting and processing fear, loss, and wounded feelings require a
great deal of our strength. So, during these times, it's our
responsibility to balance these "heavy" feelings with activities that
"lighten" us, that give us a measure of peace, rest, and expansion.
As well intentioned as we may be to "finish" our healing or "solve" our
circumstances, there is definitely a point of diminishing return. When
we've pushed ourselves beyond our balance -- when we're simply
"struggling" in pain or "stuck" in self-judgment -- we're no longer
doing ourselves any good. It's time to stop, rest, and focus not on
self-improvement, but on self-care. It is our responsibility -- it is
our "lesson" -- to do this.
IN CONCLUSION …
Whether the struggles are internal or external (or both), we're not
meant to "carry" our challenges with us round the clock. Doing so is
neither wise nor efficient. Unfortunately, difficult times can make us
feel unworthy and somewhat forgotten by the world. And this can lead us
to treat ourselves unkindly when we most need to support ourselves. And
if life has, for the moment, failed to recognize our value and our
needs, we must "not" fail to do this.
Our life-lessons and circumstances are never meant to call into question
our value and our worthiness. Again, though they may challenge us, our
lessons are never sent to punish us. We are just as worthy, just as
whole, just as loved, on the rough road as on the smooth. During
difficult times, our power lies in remembering this and practicing it in
our lives. And when we do, that extra self-imposed burden and pressure
will "magically" lift from us. And heaven will smile seeing that we
answered "its" prayer for us.
About the Author:
Rob Brookler is the founder and creator of the Meditations2Go® audio
meditation collections and the Meditations2Go.com website. The
Meditations2Go® audio meditation CDs and MP3 downloads, meditation FAQs,
and original articles -- available at
http://www.Meditations2Go.com
-- are drawn directly from the popular meditation classes Mr. Brookler
has taught for the past 27 years in the Los Angeles area. |
Well, that makes it all the more important!
won't stop
staring at her. 
