Jokes
Ancestors
The Taylor's were proud of their family tradition.
Their ancestors had traveled to America with the Pilgrim Fathers on the
Mayflower. They had included Congressmen, successful entrepreneurs,
famous sports people and television stars.
They decided to research and write a family history, something for their
children and grandchildren. They found a specialist genealogist and
writer to help them. Only one problem arose - how to handle Great Uncle
Jefferson Taylor who was executed in the electric chair.
The writer said she could handle the story tactfully. When the book
appeared the section about Jefferson read:
Great Uncle Jefferson Taylor occupied a chair of applied electronics at
an important government institution, he was attached to his position by
the strongest of ties, and his death came as a great shock.
=======
Money from God
A little boy who wanted $100 very badly prayed and prayed for two weeks,
but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to God
requesting the $100.
When the postal authorities received the letter to "God, USA," they
decided to send it to the president. The president was so impressed,
touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little
boy a $5 bill. The president thought this would appear to be a lot of
money to a little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the $5, and immediately sat down to
write a thank-you note to God, which read, "Dear God, Thank you for
sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to
send it through Washington D.C., and as usual, those greedy politicians
deducted 95 percent."
=======
Passing the Pearly Gates
St. Peter is questioning three married couples to see if they qualify
for admittance to heaven.
"Why do you deserve to pass the Pearly Gates?" he asks one of the men,
who had been a butler.
"I was a good father," he answers.
"Yes, but you were a drunk all your life. In fact, you were so bad you
even married a woman named Sherry. No admittance."
St. Peter then turned to the next man, a carpenter, and asked him the
same question.
The carpenter replied that he had worked hard and taken good care of his
family.
But St. Peter also rejected him, pointing out that he had been an
impossible glutton, so much so that he married a woman named BonBon.
At this point the third man, who had been a lawyer, stood up and said,
"Come on, Penny, let's get out of here."
=========================
RANDOM TIDBITS
In 1984, President Ronald Reagan designated the third Sunday in July
National Ice Cream Day and designated July as National Ice Cream Month.
Industrial production of ice cream begun in 1851 in Boston, United
States.
The largest worldwide consumption of ice cream is in United States where
one average person consumes 48 pints of ice cream per year.
The biggest ice cream sundae in history was made in Edmonton, Alberta,
Canada, in 1988, and weighed in at over 24 tons.
The ice cream cone's invention is linked to the 1904 World's Fair in St.
Louis. An ice cream vendor reportedly didn't have enough dishes to keep
up with the demand, so he teamed up with a waffle vendor who rolled his
waffles into cones.
WEBMISTRESS' NOTE: See
Doumar's
Cones and Barbeque
Immigrants at Ellis Island were served ice cream as part of the
welcoming to America.
=========================
Bizarre News--How
scary!
*-- Poltergeist turns out to be woman on 'meth rampage' --*
SEATTLE (UPI) - Even if you "ain't afraid of no ghost," you may want to
be wary of "meth rampages." A Seattle couple called police after they
returned to their condo and discovered that it looked like a scene from
Paranormal Activity. The place was completely trashed and their mail and
clothing had been strewn throughout the home. The unknown perpetrator
had also "smeared lotion on a door handle, removed the inner soles from
all of their shoes, screwed a single screw into a piece of scrap wood
and placed an upside-down can of paint on top of their toilet." After a
purse with a 27-year-old woman's ID card was found, Seattle Police
Department officers were called to the scene. The woman was nowhere to
be found, so they departed. Police returned after the couple called them
back to the scene when they started hearing noises from under the bed.
The mystery woman appeared "to be having a panic attack." According to
the SPD, "the woman informed police she had been on a 'meth rampage' for
several days and had also broken into another home around the block
earlier in the evening." She was arrested and booked for investigation
of burglary.
=========================
Quote
"Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole
staircase."
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
=========================
Meditation :: #8
By Dante Monteverde from Chicago USA.
Self hypnosis promises the most as a meditation tool! Meditation is
considered as one of the best ways to reduce stress, lower your blood
pressure and increase longevity. While there are several ways to use
meditation as a relaxation method, self-hypnosis gives you the
additional benefit of temporary behavior modification. Contrary to what
you might imagine, self-hypnosis is a very simple procedure that you can
learn very quickly and only requires a few days of practice to master.
This is what you do in a few easy steps:
Select a comfortable position like sitting, lying down, etc, away from
all distractions for at least 10 minutes.
Close your eyes and concentrate on relaxing your entire body from one
end to the other.
Start at your feet, feel your toes and feet relaxing, keep repeating
rhythmically to yourself the words "relax, relax" as a mantra as you
feel a warm tingling sensation in each muscle in your body. Whatever
happens just relax, anything you do is a plus, we are not looking for
perfection, each time you do this it gets easier. Feel your feet totally
relaxed, keep your thoughts focused on relaxing the part of the body
you’re working on. Experience the calming down effect of letting go of
all tension.
Travel up to your legs concentrating in your principal muscles, ankles,
calves, knees, thighs, hamstrings, torso, abdominals, your chest, back,
hands, arms, head and face. Feel pleasure as each part of your body is
rid of tension. Undergo the transformation from tightness to looseness.
When you reach your chest pay particular attention toward your breathe,
making sure to take
deep breathes, inhaling and exhaling to a totally relaxing pace. Let go
of all tensions feel the tightness disappearing from your back and
shoulders, come into contact with the feeling of relaxation in each part
of your body as your travel through it. Include your face muscles and
your neck, following a sequence to include the entire body.
After covering all your main body parts independently go around your
body a second time now at a faster pace while concentrating in larger
portions of your body feeling your entire feet and legs completely
relaxed. Feel the gentle warmth traveling your entire body, keep your
thoughts in this sensation, still repeating to yourself to relax. As you
approach your chest area go through the breathing cycle.
Once you accomplish a state of deep relaxation where your thoughts are
away from your usual routine and into your body you may select to give
yourself a suggestion at this point. You are in a very susceptible
state, you may repeat to yourself: I will come out of my self-hypnotic
state full of energy ready to do my project X with enthusiasm. Or you
may say to yourself: whenever I experience anger I will feel love and
trust for myself or others and I will react with compassion. I will have
a strong desire to forgive myself and others. Repeat these or other
suggestions several times during your hypnotic condition. Do not attempt
to make multiple suggestions in the same session.
Try it now, do it today, you will see instant results; just don’t expect
miracles only improvements. Develop a routine to meditate once or twice
a day. Remember, the more you do it the easier it becomes. In a few
weeks you
will be able to relax under
the worst types of conditions and very quickly. Meditation as part of a
strategy to take care of your emotional health and well-being can add
decades to your life and will greatly improve your ability to relax and
concentrate. Additionally, self-hypnosis in particular will take
advantage of the power of suggestion in practically any area of your
life where you can use a little help.
=========================
Handy Hint
Olive Oil with salt or sugar is a great exfoliant.
Lightly rub hands with olive oil and then scrub with white sugar or
course salt.
Scrub away with warm water and your hands will be oh so soft.
=========================
Click - Click - Click
We had finished eating at an oriental restaurant in Barcelona.
I learned in Spain, at least in Barcelona, they don't hurry with your
check after your meal. Actually, they don't bring it at all until you
ask for it. Quite different from America where your dishes are often
removed while you are still chewing and your check is plopped down
before you've swallowed.
So we sat talking, no check in sight.
Click - Click - Click
What was that sound?
I looked around. It was emanating from the cash register. There was an
elderly Chinese woman standing there. She was adding up the day's
receipts as she passed receipts from one pile to another like playing
cards.
The Click - Click - Click was the sound of the beads hitting each other
on an abacus. The receipts moved by with amazing speed as her hands
swiftly and expertly manipulated the ancient adding machine.
I watched - she added.
In case you don't know, an abacus is an ancient mathematical machine. It
looks like a picture frame with wire rods running through it with beads
the size of marbles on it. It looks like a child's toy.
Click - Click - Click
No power cord. No batteries. No plastic.
No LCD's, LED's, FET's, LSI's, or CRT's.
No DOS, Linux, Palm OS, Android, iOS, Windows 98, 2000, ME, CE, NT, XP,
7 or 8.
Just wood, wire, beads, fingers, and an old lady with focus and skill.
Click - Click - Click
The receipts flew by. I watched.
I wondered, "could I add faster with a modern calculator?"
I watched one pile of receipts shrink as the other grew.
I type fairly fast. I can add on an adding machine fairly fast. I've run
a cash register and worked in an accounting office.
I estimated my speed with the benefits of the latest silicon technology
against the old lady with wood, wire, and beads.
As I watched the receipts fly, I knew I couldn't keep up.
Years ago, the army tested the electric calculator and it's best
operator against a trained abacus user. Guess who won?
The abacus was not only faster, but produced fewer mistakes.
So what's the point of Click - Click - Click?
I have the latest gadgets, the most up to date electronics. The phone on
my belt has a calculator that would perform all types of calculations
with lightening speed. There was no way the abacus could compare with
the speed of my high-powered megahertz processor.
Then why did I feel I would lose in a contest with the abacus?
Because the limiting factor was not the machine, it was me.
We are conditioned to think in terms of the limiting factors in life as
the things around us. We want faster computers, faster cars, faster
internet connections, faster flows of information, better stuff, better
this and better that.
We think, "If I can just get better stuff around me, stuff will be
better in me."
The limitations in life are not external, they are internal.
The old lady took a simple device but used it with skill and focus. You
will be amazed at what you can do with the simple things of life with
skill and focus. You will be amazed that often you can accomplish much
more than people with much more.
It's not what you have, it's how you use what you have.
The abacus is a calculating device. As you grow in spirit, you calculate
things differently.
With wood, wire, beads, fingers, focus and skill, she added faster than
most with the most expensive of modern machines.
She illustrated a principle of life.
~A MountainWings Original~
Thanks so much, Shari!
 |
THIS WEEK'S BIRTHDAYS:
Tommie Mouser ('60) of VA!
Jimmy DeBerry ('64) of VA AND
Dave Spriggs ('64) of VA;
