Anxiety - Avoiding and Handling Disappointments
By Isabel B. Kirk, MA, Apr. 10, 2009
 

Try to assess people fairly and look inside yourself to find out where your expectations and disappointments really come from.

All of us get disappointed sometimes, but if it happens very often or if it hurts too much it might become a problem. What we don’t realize is that our expectations come from the vision that we have about ourselves, others, and the world. It is ok and actually normal to have expectations but we have to be careful with their type and degree. Here a check list of considerations for you to go over when feeling disappointed and of things you can do to feel better:

• Consider that expectations are usually based on beliefs, images and mental representations we have of things and people, without them being necessarily true or realistic. Then we don’t only assume but want that everybody else’s views and values are or should be the same. Somebody once told me that there is not such thing as common sense.” What are you talking about,? I asked. What we call common sense is only what makes sense to us, this person replied. Be open to other people’s perspectives and ways of being. Remember that nobody has the whole truth. The more open you are, the more understanding you will become.

• Try to be as objective as you can. Assess situations and appreciate people and yourself as fairly as possible. Disappointment occurs when we attribute __ a situation or person__ certain values and then "discovered” they do not have them. Subsequently, we become frustrated, hopeless, sad, depressed, bitter, or discouraged, by the fiasco we had. When feeling upset, ask yourself the following question: Was it realistic or humanly possible what I expected from than human being (including yourself) or situation? Sometimes we admire somebody so much or we are so hard on ourselves that we expect no mistake will ever happen. That is not humanly possible and therefore you will for sure be disappointed.

• Think of disappointment as a part of life. We do not have full control over the outcome of things. Stuff happens and it won’t always go our way. We know that but we still expect certain outcomes, don’t we? Apply your mindfulness skills when disappointment hits you. Acknowledge it, feel it and, seat with it. As anything else it will pass. It is just a temporary feeling. You don’t have to act on it.

• Give without expecting. I know it is easier to be said than done but you can practice it sometimes. I am not talking about sainthood here but to differentiate when you are doing things for people because you expect them to do the same or because you truly want to give or make the other person happy. It will be your choice but be aware of the possible consequences if you decide to go for the first option and then accept them. It is on you not on anybody else.

• Always try your best. A lot of the frustration that follows a failure is the big disappointment we feel towards ourselves. When we do not try hard enough, we are overcome with guilt and regret. If in whatever you do, you do your best, you'll know you did all you could and it would be easier to let it go.

• Do not take things personally. Many times we feel disappointed because we feel somebody did something to us (because of us). As much as we would like to think that we are so important and that people’s and the world react based on us, it is typically not the case. People are doing their own thing and are caught in their own lives. Whatever they do or don’t have very little to do with us and a lot with their own inner worlds. If this happens to you, I encourage you to find the evidence for that belief. You will be surprised.

• Do not put all your eggs in one basket. To avoid disappointment, it's a good practice to have more than one project happening so that when one fails you have others to look forward to.

• Learn for your mistakes. Mistakes? There is no such a thing. In life there are lessons. We have to feel the bitterness of failure to be able to savor the sweetness of success. Failures make us stronger and always, even when we cannot see it, teach us something. Try to focus on that.

• And least but not last, live an authentic life. Show your virtues and flaws and surround yourself by similar people. The more you do this, the less disappointed you and the people around you will be.

 
Author's Bio

Isabel is a Bilingual (English & Spanish) Mental Health counselor psychotherapist offering face-to-face services in the Washington, DC metropolitan area and online counseling worldwide. She works with individuals, couples, and groups from different backgrounds and situations, helping them not only to solve their problems but also to have more fulfilling lives.

To learn more about Isabel visit: Yourcounselorpsychotherapist.com

© Copyright by SelfGrowth.com, Self Improvement Online, Inc.

```````````````````````````

FINALLY:

    From Glenn Dye ('60) of TX - 04/10/09 - "Mother Goose Tells the Truth" (#3 in a Series of 8):

				Life is short. Break the rules. Forgive quickly. Kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything.

IMPORTANT MESSAGE ABOUT GROWING OLD				Well, CRAP! Now I forgot what I was gonna tell ya!

      Thanks so much, Glenn! These are painfully delightful!

```````````````````````````

3. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, May 15, 16, and 17, 2009 - The Hampton High School Class of 1964 will hold its 45-Year Reunion at the Crowne Plaza Hotel. For details, see: www.hamptonhigh1964.com - HAMPTON HIGH SCHOOL - CLASS OF 1964

4. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, September 4, 5 and 6 (Labor Day Weekend), 2009 - The Class of 1969 will hold its 40-Year Reunion at the Point Plaza Hotel, Newport News, VA. For details, see: http://www.nnhs65.00freehost.com/reunion2009-69.html and contact Jean Baker Howell at hokie13mom@cox.net - OPEN TO ALL NNHS ALUMNI

5. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, September 18, 19, and 20, 2009 - The Warwick High School Class of 1959 will hold its 50-Year Reunion at the Marriott Newport News at City Center, Newport News, VA. For details, contact WHSREUNION1959@aol.com.

6. Friday and Saturday, October 9 and 10, 2009 - The Class of 1964 will hold its 45-Year Reunion at the Newport News Marriott at City Center, 740 Town Center Drive, Newport News, VA 23606: For details, see: http://www.nnhs65.00freehost.com/reunion2009-64.html - CLASS OF 1964:

Your NNHS 64/45 Reunion Committee is pleased to announce that musical entertainment has been arranged for our Reunion.

On Friday evening, we will dance to the tunes of DJ, Susan Voss. Those of you who attended our “Turning Sixty” Party in 2006 at Spirit Events will remember Susan’s talent and energy.

On Saturday night we have engaged the band, LP & Company, headed by L.P. Butler. I could tell you how great they are, but you can see for yourself on the video at their web site:  http://www.eastcoastentertainment.com/artist/LP_and_Company.html

```````````````````````````

```````````````````````````

   Y'all take care of each other!  TYPHOONS FOREVER!  We'll Always Have Buckroe!

                          Love to all, Carol

==============================================

NNHS CLASS OF '65 WEB SITE: http://www.nnhs65.00freehost.com

PERSONAL WEB SITE: http://www.angelfire.com/weird2/cluckmeat

==============================================

Carol Buckley Harty 746 Hillsboro Avenue Edwardsville, IL 62025-1821   618-530-9092

To donate, click on the gold seal on the left,               or just mail it to my home. Thanks!

```````````````````````````

```````````````````````````

Image of Passover Table Setting courtesy of http://derek4messiah.wordpress.com/2009/03/09/passover-and-the-last-supper-part-1/ - 04/14/09

Image of Gold Star of David Pendant used to form logo used in turn to form Divider Lines courtesy
of http://rainbowspiritbeads.com/shop/index.php?main_page=popup_image&pID=202 - 11/23/08

Navy Seal clip art courtesy of http://www.onemileup.com/miniSeals.asp - 05/29/06

Animated Kissing Smiley clip art courtesy of my friend, Judy, of IL - 09/19/08
Thanks, Judy!

Animated Tiny Birthday Cake clip art courtesy of Sarah Puckett Kressaty ('65) of VA - 08/31/05
Thanks, Sarah Sugah!

Marine Corps Seal clip art courtesy of the late Herbert Hice of MI - one of my Famous Marines who served in the South Pacific during WWII.
Thanks again, Herbie!

Hillsboro High School's Topper (Band Version) clip art courtesy of http://www.hillsboroschools.net/schools/hhs/activities/music2/Band/bio.html - 06/07/08
Thanks, Mark!

Army Seal clip art courtesy of Al Farber ('64) of GA - 05/24/06
Thanks, Al!
Replaced by Norm Covert ('61) of MD - 02/09/09
Thanks, Norm!

Return to NNHS Class of 1965