WILD GIGGLES! Thanks, Joyce!

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The brilliant lawyer F. E. Smith once defended a bus driver against claims that his negligence had caused injury to a young man's arm:

"Will you please show us how high you can lift your arm now?" Smith asked the plaintiff.

The young man obediently raised his arm to shoulder level, his face contorted with apparent pain.

"Thank you," said Smith. "And now, please, will you show us how high you could lift it before the accident?"

The man's arm shot above his head.

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Words that should be .....

Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex.

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Tatyr: A lecherous Mr. Potato Head.

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn't get it.

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Hipatitis: Terminal coolness. (like groovy, man)

Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.

Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer, ya know.

Glibido: All talk and no action.

Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an ass.


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Rebirth

Spring in the mountains of my home is a thing of beauty to behold. Clear skies and a golden sun make everything glow. Warm temperatures and gentle rains make everything grow. Tulips and dandelions each pop their heads out of the ground side by side. The trees are full of apple and cherry blossoms and their sweet fragrance fills the air. Butterflies emerge and begin to float happily from flower to flower. The morning air is full of the sweet songs of hundreds of birds. Bunny rabbits and deer sneak into the meadows before dawn to munch on the fresh, sweet grass. The gentle music of young children playing outside fills the ears with the sound of joy. Neighbors sweep off their porches and sit in their swings to take in the wonder all around them. It is a special time when the whole world seems to come back to life again.

Watching the rebirth of the Earth again this Spring has made me think of all the times in my own life when I felt dead inside only to be reborn. There have been moments of pain, purposelessness, and pride when I felt all the zest for life draining out of me. There have been times of despair, depression, and desperation when I never thought I would feel alive again. Yet, each time God in His love and wisdom has planted a few seeds in my soul that sprouted, grew, and gave life to me once again.

In truth, each of us is reborn many times in our lives. Each time we awake in the morning, we are reborn. Each time we rise up after we stumble and fall, we are reborn. Each time we invite our Creator into our hearts, souls, and lives, we are reborn. Each time we choose to love God, ourselves, and others, we are reborn. Each time we do a single, kind act, we are reborn. When it comes to rebirth the most glorious Spring still can’t compare to us. May you make everyday of your life then a day of rebirth. And may you always live from the Springtime of your soul.

~ Joseph J. Mazzella ~

   Thanks again, Shari!

Tax Payment

Dear IRS,

Enclosed is my Tax Return & payment. Please take note of the attached article from the USA Today newspaper. In the article, you will see that the Pentagon is paying $171.50 for hammers and NASA has paid $600.00 for a toilet seat.

Please find enclosed four toilet seats (value $2,400) and six hammers (value $1,029). This brings my total payment to $3,429.00. Please note the overpayment of $22.00 and apply it to the "Presidential Election Fund," as noted on my return.

Might I suggest that you send the above mentioned fund a "1.5 inch screw." (See attached article...HUD paid $22.00 for a 1.5 inch Phillips Head Screw.)

It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year. I just saw an article about the Pentagon and "screwdrivers."