02/25/06 - NNHS Newsletter
I’m Not Okay (I Promise)

“My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion.
He said okay, you're ugly too.”

- Rodney Dangerfield
(22 Nov 1921 - 5 Oct 2004)

  Today's theme comes to us indirectly from my 18-year old daughter,    Adrienne, who (being a member of the My Chemical Romance fan club called the MCRmy Street Team) sees to it that their music and videos float through my ears and mind on a regular basis.  This one is so stuck in my head now that I thought I might as well share it. 

   Thanks, Adrienne! 

   This, by the way, is just a short little Newsletter.  I still haven't done most of the Major Backlogs, i.e., many goodies still to come from    Joe Madagan ('57) of FL (two or three items, actually!),    Cathy Slusser Hudson ('64) of VA,     Cookie Phillips Tyndall ('64) of VA,    Renee Helterbran Benton ('59) of VA,    Jennie Sheppard ('62) of NC,    Fred Field ('45) of CA,  Fred Eubank ('64) of TX, plus a new one from   Jerry Blanchard ('62) of VA .  I'm saving the Big Surprise from  Steve Silsby (Ferguson HS - '72) of NC for the hopelessly neglected TYPHOONMART until Monday.  Maybe by then I'll quit tearing up every time I look at it.

   NAAAAAH!!!  Probably not! (Thanks so much, Stevie!) 

http://www.nnhs65.00freehost.com/reunion-class-of-1966.html

   Thanks, Lady!  What fun we're going to have!    Uh-oh!  I hope they don't kick us out of the motel for near terminal giggling! 

   I just checked on e-Bay to make sure it's still available, and it is.  It's offered on a Buy It Now basis for $19.00 plus 2.50 S&H, and will be there for five more days until one of you snaps it up.

   If you're not the winning bidder, you can find a reasonable facsimile on our site to print out for your enjoyment, courtesy of    Dave Spriggs ('64) of VA:

http://www.nnhs65.00freehost.com/nnhs.html (Thanks again, David!)

   WOWZERS!!!  Thank you, Evelyn! 

A caregiver who gave all gets something back
 

  Marty (Whitmore) McCoy ('67) gave up everything to care for her ailing parents for years. Now, she has been honored with a special award.

BY KYM KLASS

February 23, 2006

Marty McCoy touches a gold heart pendant hanging from her neck. She wrings her hands together when talking, moves them to the top of a table, to her lap and then back to the table.

Sometimes it's just hard to talk about things. About her parents' deteriorating health. About caring for them for five years straight. It's often difficult to talk about sacrifices she's made. Her family. Her job. Her life.
And it's most difficult to receive recognition for doing things, as she explains, when it's done "for the need."
McCoy recently was one of several Virginians who received The Caregiver Award through the Virginia Department of Social Services. The award is designed to reward the efforts of Virginians - many of them women - increasingly called to care for family and friends in addition to other work and family responsibilities.
"The good Lord gets you through," McCoy said. "He only puts on you what you can handle."

And McCoy has learned just how much she can handle.

In 1998, McCoy's mom, Carrie Lee Whitmore, began showing signs of Alzheimer's. McCoy describes the process as gradual. Whitmore never acknowledged anything; she just went on with her everyday life.
"The doctor said there were great ways she was covering it up," McCoy said.

She often found herself at her parents' house, helping her mom, who also had diabetes, and her dad, who had heart problems, get up in the mornings and take baths at night. But the full-time care began in 2001 after Whitmore fell and broke her hip in December 2000. She never walked again.

"She and my dad were very independent," McCoy said. "It's hard for someone to give up their independence."
But they did, to their daughter. Doctors told McCoy she was their "eyes and ears."

"Your whole life ... one day you're working full time, and then working full time and doing the other," she said. "It takes away your own personal life. Everything else just kind of goes. For more than five years. And you think, this is an everyday thing."

It was, and it included cooking, bathing, hospital visits. All the while, McCoy held a job as office manager at the Virginia Electronic Commerce Technology Center at Christopher Newport University. Every day, she drove to her parents' Newport News house, giving her mother insulin, bathing her and feeding her breakfast. She would return at lunch and again at 4 p.m. She cooked all their dinners. She paid bills. Cleaned the house.
McCoy set up a schedule to give structure and predictability to her mother's days. Meals at set times, using the same cup. Watching Wheel of Fortune every day.

Her dad, David Whitmore, did what he could, but his heart condition limited his activity.

"It was very scary at first," McCoy said. "Especially when my mom came home from the hospital; they had to train someone to do what they were doing. I learned about wound care; I was very scared, very nervous.
"Giving her a bath, and doing all sorts of private stuff you never thought you'd have to do. ... I tried to make light of it and kid Mama.

"She wouldn't talk, but she'd smile and nod. She's a very modest person. But I learned a lot. For me, now, it's a great experience.

"At first it was hard, but now I miss it."

Caring for her parents meant McCoy might have to leave work at a moment's notice, especially when nurses' aides didn't arrive on time and her parents needed someone there.

"She has an inner strength, faith and fortitude that one only reads about," said McCoy's friend and co-worker, Kitty Heffington, center development manager at VECTEC. "I am sure her parents felt her unconditional love and enduring spirit, and even when they couldn't verbalize it, I'm sure they know she was there for them."

McCoy's mother died in March, after 60 years of marriage to David Whitmore. By the end of April, his health had worsened as well.

"But he would always bounce back, he would always come through no matter what the doctors said," McCoy said. "He was full of life. He was always making sure everyone in the room was OK."

But he grew weaker, and began to need constant care. Whitmore had poor circulation in his legs, and McCoy wrapped those for years. But when he suffered a severe heart attack, McCoy was left with no choice but to place him in a nursing home. She was with him daily, and continued cooking his favorite meals as well as caring for his personal affairs.

David Whitmore died in early October.

"She gave up everything," said McCoy's daughter, Erin McCoy. "She gave up her needs, her wants, for her parents. And in doing that, she still made time for others, like her family and work.

"She was very selfless the whole time, for years."

Erin believes that if it hadn't been for her mother's care, her grandparents wouldn't have lived as long as they did, and "wouldn't have been as well off as they were even though they were sick.

"She's my hero. I look up to her and everything she does."

Everyone stood by McCoy - from her husband, David; her brother, Johnny Whitmore of Carrollton; her boss, Bill Muir; and their church, Parkview Baptist.

"I appreciated the help from my family - even the smallest thing, from my husband taking Daddy special breakfast to my brother checking on Daddy when he could," she said.

To the very end, the family did everything they could to keep things normal for the 50-year Newport News residents. Holiday celebrations took place at the Whitmore's house. For their last Thanksgiving together, in 2004, their stove was broken, but family members cooked at their own homes and brought everything.

"We just kept everything the way it was," McCoy said. "Always."

McCoy is still working on cleaning out her parents' house, getting things situated and divided.

"I seem to have less time," she said. "You'd think, 'How did I do all that?' I have more time at home, which is good. Now I'm trying to throw myself into another routine. It'll come."

McCoy said caring for her parents just became a part of her life. She feels blessed to have had the opportunity.

"They took care of me. They watched my kids so I could go to work," she said. "And who wouldn't want to be there for Daddy? He's so much fun.

"That's why I don't feel deserving," of the award, "because I just did what needed to be done."

Famous Whitmore Rolls

 - Parkview Baptist Cook Book

- Mr. & Mrs. Walter Whitmore

Combine:

2 cups boiling water
½ cup sugar
3 Tbs. Crisco
1 Tbs. salt

Let cool until lukewarm Dissolve 2 yeast cakes or 2 pkg. dry yeast in ¼ cup lukewarm water. Add to first mixture, 2 beaten eggs.

  Add about 4 cups flour, stir until smooth, then add 3 or 4 more cups flour; dough will be sticky. Put in refrigerator and let rise.

Take out; knead well on floured board. Make out rolls as desired in size. Allow 3 hours for rolls to rise. Bake at 350 degrees. Makes about 45 rolls. Use as needed. Will keep several days.

Note: My mother is known for these rolls and she always makes them for family dinners! My parents also attended Parkview Baptist and counted the Whitmore’s among their friends.

Cheryl Mays Howard

    DOUBLE WOWZERONI!!!  Thanks for both of these, Cheryl! 

   This article about Marty surely strikes a chord with anyone who has ever cared for an aged and ailing parent.  I personally stand in awe of her!

   On a lighter note, I may even break down and bake some of these rolls myself - or better yet, talk someone else around here into doing so!  WILD GIGGLES!!!

   Okey-dokie!  I happen to know there are a number of great cooks out there, but the three that come instantly to my mind are all men.

   I personally do not mess with dead chickens.  I do however play a game of Chicken whenever the kitchen is concerned.  My mama would have called it, "Out-fumbling".  The object is to try to stall and look terribly busy long enough that someone else chickens out (fearful of going hungry) and actually cooks something to eat.

   I won today!  GIGGLES!!!

   Okay, all y'all who actually enjoy cooking: send Barbara your recipes.  Or if they're super fast and easy, send them to me, too - particularly if I can substitute canned pre-cooked chicken.

   Thanks, Barbara!  Have fun!

   How sweet - thanks for being with us, Joan!

   I'm just delighted to see that you rearranged your trip to be with your friends!  Europe has been around for quite some time (or so they tell me) and will no doubt remain a bit longer, but friends have a way of suddenly no longer being among us, as witness these pages:

http://www.nnhs65.00freehost.com/memoriam-all.html

   I am all in favor of taking advantage of any and all opportunities to see them. 

   I salute you, Pretty Lady! 

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   Thank you for your continued support - financial and otherwise! 

   Okay, then.......

   Thanks, David!